Are You a Wrecker or a Builder?

In August of 2000, Elsie Holdren lost her job for being too kind!

The 68-year-old woman was a security guard at a courthouse in Florida. Her superiors wrote her a memo stating: “Due to your kindness and caring, you are compromising your position as a security officer. Being kind and caring is not a job requirement, nor is it what you are paid to do.” Ms. Holdren was transferred to another position.

If being too kind and caring were grounds for dismissal as an IOT, how many of us would be out of a job?

One of the most important ways we demonstrate kindness to our students is through our words -- when we talk casually with our students, when we teach our classes and when we evaluate practicums. We can either tear down or build up with our words.

Someone once wrote the following poem called, “A Wrecker or a Builder?” As you read it, ask yourself, "which one am I?"

I saw them tearing a building down,
A group of men in a busy town.
With a hefty blow and a lusty yell
They swung with zest and a side wall fell.

Asked of the foreman, “Are these men skilled?
The kind you would hire if you had to build?”
He looked at me and laughed, “No indeed!
Unskilled labor is all I need.

Why they can wreck in a day or two
What it has taken builders years to do!”
I asked myself as I went my way,
Which of these roles have I tried to play?

Are you a wrecker or a builder? You can’t deny the devastating effect harsh words can have on another person. Neither can you overestimate the value of edifying or building others up. Pascal wrote: “Cold words freeze people, and hot words scorch them. Bitter words make them bitter, and wrathful words make them wrathful. Kind words also produce their image on men’s souls. They sooth, quiet and comfort the hearer.”

Dr. Herbert Clark, a psychologist from Johns Hopkins University, has discovered with research the value of affirmation over criticism. His study has shown that it takes the average person about 48% longer to understand a sentence which uses a negative rather than a positive. People respond faster to positive affirmation than to negative criticism.

Wilbur and Orville Wright attributed their success in birthing the age of aviation to the affirmation they received at home. Orville wrote, “We were lucky enough to grow up in an environment where there was always encouragement to children to pursue intellectual interests, and to investigate whatever aroused curiosity.”

Howard Hendricks expresses the value of edifying and affirmation this way: “A pat on the back, though only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the pants, is miles ahead in results!”

Scripture has much to say about how our words are to be edifying. In the book of Proverbs, Solomon wisely teaches a lot about how our words can either build or wreck. Proverbs 15 is especially filled with good thoughts. Paul also had some important things to say in the New Testament books of Ephesians and Colossians. Consider the following verses, taken from the New Living Translation (NLT):

Prov. 15:1 “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare."

Prov. 15:4 "Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."

Prov. 15:23 "Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!"

Prov. 15:30 "A cheerful look brings joy to the heart; good news makes for good health."

Eph. 4:29-30 "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."

Col. 4:6 "Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone."

How edifying and building are your words to your students? We talk about the importance of being positive in our evaluation, but it holds true in all of your communication with them. You can be edifying and positive in giving assignments, in giving directions—even in correcting wrong attitudes and behavior.

And remember, you not only edify by your words, but also by your actions. Positive words can easily be negated by negative actions. Do your actions back up what you say?

Unlike Elsie Holdren’s organization, it is not against CEF or TCE policy to be kind and caring! You won’t be putting your job at risk by doing so. But if you fail to be kind and caring, you may be putting CEF’s reputation and your own testimony at risk. More importantly, you will be dishonoring the God you serve.

Let's be instructors of teachers who are builders--known for our kindness--as we seek to edify our TCE students!